Rules for taking care of a werejohncandy

If you wish to own a Werejohncandy like Chumsley, you'll need to follow these rules:

1. 
   The werejohncandy is always right. No matter what the circumstances are- the werejohncandy IS ALWAYS RIGHT. This means that they are always right and never wrong. Remember to agree with everything the werejohncandy tells you. If you disobey this rule you'll be in serious trouble.
   
2. No revealing the secret to anyone who isn't a friend. No matter what they ask of you- no matter how much they beg and plee- you must NEVER tell the werejohncandy's secret to anyone who isn't a friend of the werejohncandy. The secret must be kept a secret and discreit at all times, the only ones who must know are the close friends of one. You must never tell it to an enemy or family member- or a member of the enemy's family or even their lackey/minion, and NEVER tell it to anyone the enemy is ascioated with. Family members tend to act very suspicious because of the werejohncandy thing- relatives (especially mother-in-laws and father-in-laws) can tend to act extremely testy because their relative is a werejohncandy- the parent in-laws are the even worst example of this, the in laws tend to be very bitter towards them, father-in-laws are the worst example- most of which are the first to yell out such things as "You look like a hippy! Get a haircut!" "Trim those claws you have for finger nails!" and "Take better care of yourself!" , mother-in laws aren't as bad but are overall equally as irritating- they're very overprotective and are the first to complain and on occasion will say such things as "Oh my. You're as big as house. Have you been eating junk food again?" "What's that black spot on your nose, it's not paint is it?" "Why are you all furry? Are you coming down with something?" and "Why are you talking like John Candy? Are you not feeling too well?". So it is well advised that you should NEVER ever tell the werejohncandy secret to anyone who isn't a friend of theirs, especially not to enemies- family members and members of the enemies family, or relatives (especially NOT the in-laws). Disobey this rule and you'll pay for it dearly.
   
3. Trust the werejohncandy at all times. The werejohncandy is a very trustworthy creature. They can always be relied on to save the day and are always ready to help out in any way that they can. And you can always count on one when you need help, don't be imtimidated by it's size- the werejohncandy can be your friend. Yes, you can trust in the werejohncandy- you can count on it to always be there for you whenever you feel down and out, to protect you from the evils of the world , and to hang out with whenever you're lonely. But before you can do that- you must be sure that the werejohncandy trusts you first, in order to do that you must befriend it and get to know them-over time said werejohncandy will develop a bond with you and you'll be best friends. Remember to always obey this rule when around one or the werejohncandy may not want you as a friend. If you disobey this rule the werejohncandy will raise hell.
   
4. Remember to keep a werejohncandy well protected at all times. The werejohncandy has many similarites to a giant panda- one of which is that they're both an endangered species. Although the werejohncandy is big lovable and cuddly, it is indeed an endangered species and should be kept safe from harm at all times. There are only 10-20 werejohncandys left in the world (except in Canada, where they can be found in the forest on a full moon night especially during the month of October), a werejohncandy needs a lot of protection especially from it's dreaded natural enemy the big chinned wereLeno (werelenos often like to pick on the werejohncandy and as such are dangerous and considered a pest in some parts of the world). You must always keep your werejohncandy safe from werelenos and anything else that might harm him. Disobey this rule and you'll have one very unhappy werejohncandy.
   
5. No Fat Jokes allowed. This is the most important rule of all, The werejohncandy is very sensitive and quick to anger. They especially hate any "fat jokes" made about them. Even the slightest wisecrack about their weight and they'll turn vicious and try to attack you. When around one- absolutely NO fat jokes- don't even think about it! No fat jokes, no name calling and no pointing and laughing- no pointing and saying "Look! It's a beached whale!" or anything else like that either. Fat jokes are NOT allowed. So no fat jokes and that includes any "plump dier" wisecracks saying that one day they'll keel over and die....because if you disobey this rule you'll find that YOU'LL be the one keeling over.
6. Always have him paired up with an attractive human female when writing a story about him.
7. Protect his habitat at all costs.
8. Never ever let him go. Keep him with you at all times.
9. Allow him to come with you on our next voyage or journey.
10. Make sure he never ever gets lost.
11. Give him the chance to help out.
12. Always let him look after the kids while you're away on vacation. Believe me, Chumsley's great with kids.
13. When something goes wrong, do not put the blame on him.
14. Watch john candy movies with him on a regular basis. One a day I always say.

And

15. Keep his fur nice and trim.